Sandstorm Effect

is this really?

wind sweeping sands
turnin like smoke
that fogs the air
coming into me
so slow...

storm heaves a sigh
that brings in flood
tears in my eyes
i don't know why...

back home, back then
it was dear rain
that brought in pain
reasons unknown
strange it was
and it still is
for it makes me dance
and then paint.

it makes me hunger
for touch, for laughter
hot drink,
warm soul
rain breaks me
then re-make me
to be whole.

now this sandstorm came
it wasn't rain
but oh the effects
were all the same
hormones? i doubt
perhaps a need
like nature's way
to breed-
hope after despair
to clean the air
to refresh the heart.
trashing
unnecessary parts.

sands of some place and time
came storming by
and settle for a while
asking me
shall i go back or shall i stay?
no i will go on to take this way-
to growth, to dreams
keep on dying, crying
then be reborn;
of peace and quiet
and for sure,
occasional sand storms.


(cried buckets today for reasons unknown...but am sure there is something to be known. I self-searched and discovered this melancholia so severe sprung from a long-time-no-tears living. lol. but so true, and so like a wildflower of me to follow unconsciously nature's way or else i will be really sick. now truth is deep inside i miss my family so much and desire that they will get to enjoy my little boys as much as i do now. i am practically the only one being blessed daily by their presence, seeing them grow, keeping amused and amazed by them. but this is God's way, so i endure the feelings. another truth is that i am tired, so stressed of stretching myself beyond my limits, meeting everybody's needs but mine, and keeping all to myself. and oh what is the use of this blog but to express the superficial? the one-sided truth about life...? so i write now the truth, the other side of it to make it fully known that life is not OK. as it is not OK to be just alive. friends ask me how i am...i say "not ok, am tired" which is same as happy, or fine, or good.
i guess that's why God made seasons...to make life perfect, and for us humans there are moments that we need though we do not want...to make us OK. i feel better now after crying. i write. i move on. i know there's more to cry about and scream about and laugh about. i am no drama queen for nothing. lol. and i know i'm OK.)

Unique and Very Special Art Work

It's not the art of photography, nor of editing photos...

not the art of capturing smiles...

not this kid's scribbles on the wall...not the art of balancing.

No, he is not dancing.

But see the writing on his wear...
"born to be an artist."

a unique blend of God's works and man's...a collaboration of God and Mom.

we make them artists just like us...masters in the art of living.

we give them love, we show them life.

we use different media to splash genuine smiles on their faces.

we laboriously choose the right words to hear music from theirs.
we mold them with our hands -

culinary arts for their bodies

art of touch for their souls...

more than the basic senses we use.

it's also heart, soul,

a genuine smile.

we leet them see that we love life.

and so we see our masterpiece.

in the life of our children.

their bodies, soul and spirit growing,

blooming, unfearing, unbroken.

for others to behold

and for our honor.

for our joy.

this good life is the kind of art that satisfies.



(have been missing some creative adventures...painting, writing really good stuffs, baking, music, etc. and watching my boys realize they are the ultimate result of my creativity, and to them i express my love, they also reflect my love for life and even my hate sometimes. they are the most fragile and complicated and yet the best form of art...a mother's work. and i pray for sometimes we do not know what life brings...i pray that my best work and effort will not go futile nor will the cruel part of humanity affect or infect them. God help me. For now, they grow and i grow. And we go on loving.)